16 Nov 2020
Spread the Love
Somewhere between childhood and adulthood I lost ‘the spark of life’.
“The silly enthusiasm for anything new to be discovered, the anticipation for a new day, the thought that I determine my fate and the butterflies in my belly when I was fantasizing What I would become and where I would be in next 2-5 years.
And all these years and many more passed in a blink of an eye, and I turn 40 only to find out that ‘I came this far to start all over again from nothing’. Only this time without the spark in my eyes and the butterflies in my belly.
Something got lost in me and I did not know how to re-ignite it.
Everybody told me when you would become a mom that spark would reignite.
well it happened, but only when I am with my child, then I get back to my work and I still feel like something has disappeared and I no longer have any strength to rekindle.
This is especially noticeable when I come up with a new idea, for a few days I feel better, check out the literature, patents, even planning some experiments, proof of concept, but then something begins to turn off, I am looking forward to the future, and it seems too far, with many difficulties, and I am no longer sure if it is worth the efforts.
Rekindle the flames
This is exactly why many good couples separate after several years; when they look ahead, they see a grey future at best and full of difficulties in the worst scenario.
In the chapter ‘Future Dimension‘ in my book the 4 foundations of Love, I explained in detail how to rekindle the flames using ‘Amsterdam method’, however Don’t miss the following exercise, it is simple and you would want use it on a daily basis.
"Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable"
First time I fell in love with ‘so not my type’
One day while having a conversation with my engineer colleagues I came to know that they are Harry Porter fans. They had read the whole series 2-4 times and even though I was not a fan of the genre I was tempted to agree when one of them suggested I read the first in the series.
And it happened! I fell in love!!!
I fell in love with a genre I never dared to think I would love. And I asked for more and more of this diamond.
Harry Potter turned out to be my biggest insight
We must break away from the distorted thought that we know everything about ourselves and the world, and nothing can surprise us.
I travelled the world with the feeling that tomorrow would be just like today, and after a month, I would be at the same point where I am today, because what could have happened?
The same happens in our relationships or even worse, how many times have you heard or said the following sentence in different versions – ‘I know him like the back of my hand’.
But if we do not know ourselves, how can we declare we know our spouse? After all, it is the belief that you have determined that the future will the same as the present. These promises create a grey ,love, life.
When I came to conclusion, I could live for a two thousand years and still see and experience only 1% of the whole world to suggest me, then I truly understand that my old perception is the core of our sickness. It blocks us from living an exciting life!
So just do the following ‘rekindle’ exercise on a daily basis:
Every morning open the day with expectation to receive many gifts from the creator, you could say: “Good morning! I would like to thank You, the creator, for sending me wonderful gifts today. I am excited to receive them!”
And every evening, ask yourself, what gifts you have got today.
Be patient and remember to thank the creator for each gift you got, and soon enough you will get many presents every day.
When you start to live an excitement life your relationship will also be affected.
So, all you need is to know that your partner is an additional ‘receiving site’ for your gifts, they might expose you to the ice cream flavor you are going to love for the next 20 years!
Mor Cohen is a researcher and entrepreneur in the medical field. She has an M.Sc.Med and MBA, as well as being a qualified NLP therapist, assisting couples overcoming breakups and relationship crises. An author of ‘The 4 Foundations Of Love – Reshape your relationship & Make it last forever’.