On again off again
23 Nov 2020
Spread the Love
If you are in on again off again relationship you probably think you are going crazy.
This is the main symptom of such relationships.
Your relationship feels like a whole book full of short stories, but with the same characters.
Every few months, weeks, or even days, the relationship ends, for no real reason, and somehow begins with a bizarre text message or just a message that attracts you to start all over again.
The good part of on-again off-again relationship;
You managed to design the relationship that way so it feels like a ‘crazy love’ almost obsession, as if he/she is the person you have loved the most all your lives.
And although you might think that you are the only side that feels that way, I promise that you both feel the same!
The bad part of on-again off-again relationship;
It is very difficult to stabilize on-again off-again relationship, because once we stabilize it, we lose some of the ‘high’ feeling that shapes the relationship so much.
"It’s like you wait until I’m happy again, and then you decide to walk right back into my life "
Why does a relationship turn off and on again?
Usually, this happens when one side becomes emotionally overwhelmed and instead of opening a communication channel they prefer to walk away.
This can happen for a number of reasons and I will mention two main ones:
- Feeling of rejection – The ‘distant side’ interprets a certain behavior of the other side as rejection, coldness and unwillingness to continue the relationship.
- Hard work ahead of us – the ‘distant side’ sees behavior he does not like and makes a conclusion that this relationship requires hard work before you can make it succeed. Therefore, instead of discussing about the issues they prefer to give up.
Once they are cool down, they realize that their reaction was exaggerated, then they look their way back.
While the other party in the relationship – the recipient – does not confront them, and in fact by accepting their partner’s distancing and rapprochement, they nourishing this sickness situation.
Netta and Dav were in on-again off-again relationship for 1.5 years.
Netta told me that she felt insecure in the relationship, but she also knows that Dav is the one for her.
She could not explain why it has happened, ‘We had a wonderful weekend together and the next day it took him hours to reply my text, so I thought he needed a time off’.
– How did you understand it? I asked her, couldn’t he be just busy?
-I don’t know. He usually immediately replies my texts and that day, in the morning I felt him distant and by the time he took in replying my text.
On the other hand, when Dav faces ‘difficulties’ in a relationship or something he might interpret it as difficulty he takes a step back, for him if a relationship required a ‘hard work’ it is not meant to be.
According Dr. Harville Hendrix we fall in love with a partner who opens our childhood wounds and gives us a chance to cure them.
And I found that in many cases of on-again off-again relationships, both sides have similar communication challenges.
How to fix an on-again off-again relationship?
This time you should take the reins.
Just before, I have to say it – There is a great difficulty in stabilizing on-off relationships, however you have to make it, this is one step forward the cure of your wounds.
1. Open a channel of close communication.
Therefore, you must first talk about your relationship strengthening, and of course you have – go and read about RARENESS foundation and SACRED BOND foundation. When your partner realizes and agrees you have a special connection, attractions and one in a life time love, lead them to the second stage.
2. Start talking about the elephant in the room; their inability to communicate when something batters them. BUT this time, make a decision; since you both are having communication challenges, otherwise you would not get this far, you both have to polish your communication skills, not just for this relationship but for yourselves and other relationships you have. When you represent it that way, you both understand how much it is important and might affect your whole life.
Netta talked with Dav, and to her surprise he agreed. Dav admitted that this was his biggest weakness and he would love to take advantage of it, although he was afraid.
After 8 months they were able to stabilize the relationship.
It was not easy, but it was worth it!
Mor Cohen is a researcher and entrepreneur in the medical field. She has an M.Sc.Med and MBA, as well as being a qualified NLP therapist, assisting couples overcoming breakups and relationship crises. An author of ‘The 4 Foundations Of Love – Reshape your relationship & Make it last forever’.