Is he the one?
One way to know
29 October 2020
Spread the Love
Nowadays, you can find hundreds of questionnaires, tests, quizzes and posts across the internet trying to answer the big question – am I with the right partner? and how do I know if you are the one?
Thousands of frantic people are trying to figure out if they have found the “right” person for them and meanwhile doubts are rising and creating inner unrest: Is he tall enough? Do we look “good together”? Is she beautiful for me?
Above all this, they consult worldwide marriage and dating experts who are also trying to find answer to this question. While those experts add up additional parameters they have not always thought of. Thus making it more complex; your partner is right for you if they fit your life, they do not hold you back, they don’t try to change you, they listen to you, happy when you are happy, they fit into your life, etc.…
Then, they try to put their characteristics into a multivariate equation, and find the formula that will save them from this dilemma. When most of doubts are related to ‘how the environment perceives me when I am with him’ or ‘how we are perceived together’.
Who is thinking of us anyway?
In an article which recently was published in Nature communication, Dr Jordan Poppenk, Psychologist, discovered through fMRI and other computational means that the average person thinks about 6200 thoughts per day, which he called ‘thought worms’. He explains that each ‘thought worm’ is a sequence of thoughts focused on the same idea.
Dr Poppenk claims that they had their breakthrough when they stopped trying to understand what the person is thinking about, and focused on punctuation, when the person has move on. Dr Poppenk says “Our methods help us detect when a person is thinking something new, without regard to what the new thought is. You could say that we’ve skipped over vocabulary in an effort to understand the punctuation of the language of the mind.”
So, what a person is thinking about?
It is estimated, it is not science based, that only 0.1% -0.5% of a person’s thoughts are about other people, thoughts which are not including us. Meaning, that each of us devotes about 6-30 thoughts per day to other people, and that includes thoughts about our parents, friends, co-workers, neighbors and so on.
So why after all, what bothers people the most is how the environment perceives us, while no one is bothered by us at all?
You are the one!
So, the answer is much simpler – as long as they are there in your life, they are just the right partner for you! The universe makes no mistakes, and everything, either big or small, happens for a reason.
Have you ever broke up with someone just to find the same man with different name?
That is why it is so important to ‘complete’ the spiritual lesson and once the spiritual lesson is learned, your partner moves out of your life without you doing anything. That’s way you break the cycle and you will not meet ‘the same type’ anymore.
Therefore, all your doubts and conflicts only prolong the relationship (if it has an expiration date) and prevents you from completing the lesson he has come to teach you.
We don't know why we are going through what we are going through
Look at it as a job, in some situations we might find ourselves in a job that we think ‘does not fit our skills’, however if we are in that job there is a reason we are there. There is something we have to learn that maybe only in the next role, or at the end of our journey, will be figured out.
At this point, where we are, we cannot know why we are going through what we are going through, and we have no idea to where it might lead us, But the universe ,God, makes no mistakes!
So, just forget of ‘how do you think it should be’ or ‘what do you think is right for you’ and let the universe, the Creator, thinks for you. Just be there. Present and quiet. Accept the lesson from the universe. And if you are dating over 3 months and still not sure, try the following exercise taken from chapter 5; Future Dimension, ‘The 4 foundations of love’ , 5–10 min:
“Imagine an image of a joined future, with your partner in it, going through crucial future cornerstones in life, ones that bring on different emotions; happiness, sadness, fear and so on. Imagine cornerstones that may happen and obviously, some may not. Such as a close relative passing away, struggling with school with one of your children, your first grandson, and also imagining scenarios such as one of you healing from an injury, etc.”
This bank of future experiences, even though they exist only in your imagination, might make a huge difference because since you might understand why your partner is the most ‘accurate’ one for you.
Mor Cohen is a researcher and entrepreneur in the medical field. She has an M.Sc.Med and MBA, as well as being a qualified NLP therapist, assisting couples overcoming breakups and relationship crises. An author of 'The 4 Foundations Of Love - Reshape your relationship & Make it last forever'.